What is BDSM?

Looking for some effective sex therapy? If you can use more (or more) stimulation during sex, BDSM might just be a tool. When you want to take things to the next level and play your game wisely, taking healthy emotional risks is a very surefire way to get there.

If you have the power to control another person’s mind – or if you find yourself completely incapable of helping other people’s whims – BDSM may be just that. Who knows? Does it even meet your needs here and there (or anywhere)? ) is slightly stronger.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for several different things at the same time. Depending on who you ask about or what you explore, it can stand for: Bondage and Submission [BDSM], Domination and Submission B[DS]M, and Sadism and Masochism or Masochism BD[SM].

BDSM has a complete subculture, and any decent city will have its own version and style of BDSM community. This usually includes group activities such as workshops, as well as professional “dungeons” where you can take part in BDSM “scenarios”.

Haven’t heard a scene? According to Kinkly, “The BDSM scene is often likened to a story or a play because it represents the creative expression of the participants. They play dominant or submissive roles. While these roles may be based on their personalities, their dominant or submissive roles are Characters are often reinforced in the scene. Participants can also take on the roles of police and criminal, doctor and patient, teacher and student. In these situations, one will naturally take the lead over the other, a more obedient partner.”

The dungeon is also a place for kinkers to fulfill their desires in a smaller, bite-sized BDSM scene that includes pre-negotiations (what do we do in this scene, what are our safe words, what restrictions are there, etc.) , fun time for all the great domination/obedience action, followed by relaxation and aftercare. Dungeons are also useful if you don’t want to have all those weird and trendy furniture in your house ;).

Like most communities, BDSM and Jinxters have many accessible online forums like Fetlife and private local Facebook groups, and may even have their own dating apps (look at you, Feeld).

In addition to social gatherings, there are weekend gatherings like Dom Con devoted to kinks, kink equipment, community gatherings, and education. At these types of events, you can find specialist manufacturers of kink-specific garments and tools, as well as educational workshops such as spanking workshops. Because who doesn’t want to know how to spank in a way that produces a deep, satisfying impact rather than a more superficial tingling? Very important spanking knowledge. Not all geeks are involved in the BDSM community, but if you’re just dabbling in ropes or swings or all sorts of things, it can be helpful to have a group of like-minded people who know non-standard relationships and dynamics. If you’re not the type to entangle BDSM events with social groups and you just want to get the information on your own, there are plenty of blogs and videos you can also read to dip your toes into the ocean of BDSM knowledge.

In addition, many scientific organizations are now studying the finer features of BDSM, such as the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Related articles include, Are roles and gender associated with sexual function and satisfaction among men and women engaged in BDSM? Between Pleasure and Pain: A Preliminary Study of the Biological Mechanisms of Leader-Follower BDSM Interaction.

How does it work?

BDSM is based on the concept of mutual trust and consent. Dom or primary partners trust subordinate or submissive partners to communicate whether they are still having a good time. Additionally, the Sub trusts the Dom to work within the framework they co-created. Sometimes this framework takes the form of a written agreement, while other times it is a brief but thorough discussion of likes, dislikes, limitations, and absolute disapprovals before participating in some kind of BDSM event.

Unlike El James’ portrayal of BDSM in Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM should never be an abusive character. “As several experienced BDSM practitioners have emphasized to me, there are healthy and ethical ways to voluntarily combine sex and pain,” said the authors of the Atlantic-themed article. All of this requires self-awareness, communication skills, and emotional maturity to make sex safe and satisfying for both parties. The problem is that Fifty Shades of Grey casually associates sex with violence without context. Sometimes Anna will say “yes” to her uncomfortable sex because she’s too shy to speak her mind, or because she’s afraid of losing Christian. When he wanted to cause pain, she would agree, but that didn’t prevent her from being hurt. “

By contrast, well-done BDSM is a trust-based activity that can be part of a relationship and involves sexuality, but not all participants in the BDSM lifestyle perceive BDSM as a sexual activity. For some, it’s more about giving others complete control, relinquishing the need for stewardship, understanding, or responsibility.

Really, anything can be exciting within the limits of human sexuality, but if you’re into BDSM just for the power game, then you’re not wrong. You don’t have to have any mental disorder to enjoy the BDSM lifestyle, and you don’t have to go crazy for kink/BDSM. The same is true if you enjoy practicing BDSM within the confines of sexual activity. You won’t break down for liking BDSM sex or let the nosy say otherwise. What is a safe word?

Do you have a friend with whom you can take a quick and direct glance or make a meaningful little slogan? A safe word is something like this-. is a shorthand way of expressing something very specific, usually “everything that happened was out of bounds, I’m done”. A safe word is usually a unique word or phrase, like “panda bear”, so it’s not used in the rest of the scene.

Sometimes it’s safe to be a little more detailed and include a certain level of demand, so everyone knows that BDSM debauchery is on the rise right now, and all is well. To enter the traffic light system:

What is a traffic light system?

At BDSM, it is critical to ensure that everyone enthusiastically agrees with what is going on. The entire experience centers around two adults doing depraved things. If an adult no longer agrees, it’s just brutal, one-way torture.

During BDSM, having a way to express your or your partner’s warm consent is key to making the experience safe, so creating a communication system before the event can make the whole thing go a lot more smoothly. A simple inspection and approval system is the traffic signal system. In short, it means or indicates green, yellow or red so that all concerned can immediately know what it means.

Its benefits are very intuitive:

Green means go! all is well. Whatever happens is within the limits and expectations of the Sub.

Yellow means let’s register. Something is wrong. It’s possible that your Sub was obviously not intentionally uncomfortable, such as the rope being too tight around the wrist, cutting off blood circulation. It’s easy to fix without Bueno, and then everyone can go back to their happy debauchery.

Red means end, stop, no more. Whatever happens, it needs to end immediately and safely. Subs no longer feel this way, and all the pain and discomfort that caused their behavior needs to end. Now is a good time to start recuperating, if you can.

What types of BDSM are there?

As with any type of activity, there is a range of activities and intensity levels suitable for a BDSM umbrella. Below is a quick overview of the types of activities that can be included. Remember, this is an incomplete list:

discipline, discipline

This is not a specific action, but it is a BDSM practice that can happen between a more dominant role partner and a more submissive role partner. It is a discipline to dom and sub(s) to participate in rules that everyone agrees to. If you don’t follow these rules, you will be punished.

In this style, punishing subs is part of the routine, punishing bullshit and stuff like that. Wondering what a gag is? Find it here – or refer to the dom incorrectly (for example, some DOMs like to be called Sir or Madam). Other forms of BDSM can be included in this discipline. One dynamic that can arise under the disciplinary umbrella is “nasty subs,” or subs who like to be punished for misbehaving or breaking the rules (they like it a lot).

tie

This is probably the most recognizable category of BDSM. Restraint is the act of restricting someone’s actions. Bondate can be done in a lot of different ways (sounds interesting, right?), but the most common are rope bonds, also known as Shibari, or using pre-built bonds like leather wrist and leg cuffs or collars .

Handcuffs also fall into this category, but it is not recommended for new BDSM practitioners to use handcuffs, as their hardness can cause actual physical damage, or lose keys, and cannot be unclamped or from something. Really don’t want to break the angle grinder or metal scissors if you can help. – Absolutely not sexy.

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The impact game is the act of smashing people with things. This can be something like a whip, hardwood or leather paddle. Doms can be very creative with what to use for a quick and fun spanking or whipping, from a simple palm or open hand, to a wooden spoon for quick discipline improvement before dinner or dessert.

sensory control

Sensory play is part of the BDSM experience and involves the five senses: hearing, sight, feeling, smell or taste. Sensory play often involves removing sight or hearing from the equation. It can be something as simple as putting on an eye patch, earplugs or some sort of gag or mask. This can be part of a BDSM relationship or routine, where the Dom controls what the sub can hear or communicate. IMPORTANT: If any activity limits the submarine’s ability to communicate consent, an agreement will need to be reached to let everyone know they are still on board.

Another element of sensory control is what is known as orgasm denial or compulsive orgasm. This kind of thing can be accomplished by vibrating a chastity cage or an adult sex device onto the sub’s body and holding it very close to the edge of orgasm, or by going over the edge entirely but forcing the sub to stay open for sexual pleasure. cunning! If you plan to use it, and use a lot of personal lubricant, be sure to read our chastity cage guide.

If you’re curious about what kind of BDSM you might fall into, you can take a handy BDSM test to find out your desire range. This can help you understand what type of BDSM you might like and whether you want these things to be included in a sexual relationship. You might want to include it on your obscene online dating profile too!

At the end of the day, BDSM games are about entertaining and enjoying different aspects of yourself. It can be edgy, of course, and enthusiastic consent is always the goal, so be sure to check yourself at every stage. For example, if you don’t like bondage sex, then you don’t need to be involved in it, or be a part of your sex life, no matter what the other significant other wants. Always take care of your mental and sexual health before catering to the desires of others. In other words, this field of personality is probably one of the hottest and most closely related. Or in the words of always a good girl Shayne McClendon:

“She was the one who was tied to the bed and yet everything she gave me. She voluntarily submits to my rule, she revels in the pleasures I offer, she trusts me completely for protection. Let me compare to my body. She is my sidekick. She makes me whole.